Local Bell Ringers Complete Seasonal Training On How To Make You Feel Guilty

Local volunteers are already kicking off the holiday season by getting out, ringing bells, and collecting donations for charity. This year is expected to raise even more money after all collectors were required to pass a training to master guilt tactics for passersby. “We did some research early in 2015 and realized most people donate […]

Erie Diocese Labels Drinking Starbucks A Sin Until Holiday Cups Change

Tack another one on the “Don’t” list for Erie churchgoers. The Erie Diocese announced Monday that going to Starbucks will now be considered a sin until their new red holiday cups have a design that directly references Christmas. “It’s the War on Christmas,” one local priest told us. “That’s what drives the entire season. Sure […]

Empty GE Employee Parking Chosen As New Landfill Site

The announcement of layoffs at Erie’s GE Transportation plant came as a shock to many, but the impending move may solve one of Erie’s problems. The newly created excess parking at the facility will now be used as Erie’s new landfill. “With the current landfill about to reach its max height this is a natural […]

Erie Meth Lab Announces Layoffs

In another blow to local manufacturing, one of Erie County’s largest meth labs announced layoffs set to begin next month. The owner of the facility says it’s been difficult to maintain a user base with the recent negative press about the drug. “It’s the media’s fault man,” the owner said. “All you hear about is […]

Erie Forced To Replace All City Hall Clocks For Daylight Savings Time

Erie’s corner cutting is going to cost them this November as the city maintenance staff discovered Sunday that none of the clocks in city hall are able to be adjusted for Daylight Savings Time. This marks the first time that the clocks have needed to be changed since being replaced earlier this year. “We’ve sent […]

Surprise Trump Campaign Stop In Erie Cancelled Due To High Winds

The current leader in the GOP race for presidential nominee was forced to change his plans to make a surprise stop in Erie on Wednesday. Donald Trump was expecting to make an impromptu campaign stop at the Millcreek Mall Wednesday, however high winds were deemed too much of threat to blow his hairpiece away. “It […]