Splash Lagoon Parrot Files For Unemployment

Sweetie, the parrot, has been removed from Splash Lagoon and is now seeking unemployment compensation while it looks for a new position. Scott Enterprises is fighting that claim, however, saying that Sweetie left voluntarily, making the bird ineligible for benefits. “Sweetie has been a faithful employee of Splash Lagoon and the Scotts for years,” a company spokesperson said. “The bird would be more than welcome back, but left under it’s own accord. We offered a twenty percent raise in bird seed and vowed to change his water more, but Sweetie still flew the coop.” Under Pennsylvania law, you cannot collect unemployment if you quit without good reason. Also the law requires the claimant to be human, but since Sweetie plans to file over the phone, tricking the operator should not be too difficult. “Unclean working conditions,” squawked Sweetie. “Personality conflicts with management, squawk.” For now, Sweetie’s cage will remain empty, but will serve as a temporary “time out” for children who misbehave in the indoor waterpark.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *