Slight Drizzle Affects Motor Skills Of Erie Drivers, Study Shows

A yearlong study culminated on Tuesday that shows a direct correlation between the smallest bit of rain and their ability to drive effectively. Yesterday’s constant mist finally gave researchers the sample size they needed to publish the results. “We’ve found that Erie drivers are unique in that the rain they absorb into the skin from walking to their vehicles acts as some kind of neurotoxin,” the lead researcher of the study told us. “The toxin impairs the part of the brain responsible for motor skills, leaving most Erie drivers incapable of navigating in the rain.” Why this disease is more prevalent in Erie than other parts of the country will be the second phase of the study. Our informal survey Tuesday confirmed the result. We watched drivers going 10mph slower than the posted speed limit, struggling to pull into parking spots, and ignoring the most basic courtesies of driving. These results finally put some science behind what some have suspected for years, that Erie motorists are notoriously worse drivers in even a drizzle. The findings also showed that only 92% of Erie drivers were affected, while the other eight showed increases in blood pressure and cursing.

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