Santa Jailed In Perry Square Pavilion

Erie government is saying “Bah, Humbug” to the holiday season as the newly completed Perry Square pavilion is doubling as a temporary holding cell for Father Christmas. Erie Police reportedly captured Santa late Sunday night and placed him in the cell, making sure he was separated from other prisoners. “It honestly pained us to do it, but the law is the law,” Erie Police Chief Bowers said. “We apprehended the suspect on a rooftop. He told us he was from the North Pole, but had no documentation. Our protocol is very clear. We booked him and notified Border Patrol.” Police say they become even more concerned when they found a list of children and addresses from across the Erie area, some with check marks next to their names. The lawyer for St. Nick maintains his client’s innocence. “Mr. Claus has done nothing that he hasn’t done for the past 2000 years,” the lawyer says. “In the weeks leading up to Christmas he checks in personally on kids bordering between naughty and nice. More teens than ever were on the naughty list in Erie this year and he thought it had to be a mistake. He wanted to check out the matter personally.” Police say that if these comments can be proven, they are willing to drop the majority of the charges. If he cannot confirm his age, however, Santa will have to at least face charges under the curfew ordinance.

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