Splash Lagoon Parrot Files For Unemployment

Sweetie, the parrot, has been removed from Splash Lagoon and is now seeking unemployment compensation while it looks for a new position. Scott Enterprises is fighting that claim, however, saying that Sweetie left voluntarily, making the bird ineligible for benefits. “Sweetie has been a faithful employee of Splash Lagoon and the Scotts for years,” a […]

Millcreek Mall Institutes Winter “3 To A Row” Parking Rules

Parking at the Millcreek Mall this winter just got a lot easier after new parking regulations that went into effect over the weekend. The new rule allows for cars to park in rows of three, rather than two, to make it easier to find spots once lines become covered by snow. “Our customers have actually […]

Erie Caught Falsifying Snowfall Totals To Lead National Snow Contest

Erie officials may be left out in the cold this winter after recent allegations of falsified snowfall totals following the city’s latest accumulation. The discrepancy was discovered after a random snowfall audit on Thursday afternoon. “We at the National Snowglobe Competition are shocked by today’s findings and plan to launch a full investigation into the […]

Chipotle Pledges 20% Less Indigestion After Food Safety Meetings

Chipotle closed its doors for four hours on Monday to discuss food safety upgrades with its employees and now says that new procedures will cut down on stomachaches and indigestion by roughly twenty percent. The meetings covered everything from food prep to food assembly and according to most it was incredibly helpful. “Well, for example […]

Facebook ‘Friends Day’ Videos Cause Erie Man Hundreds In Cellular Data Charges

One Erie man is digging deep in his pockets today after being forced to stream several of Facebook’s ‘Friends Day’ videos that filled timelines on Thursday. The man says that he’s now being charged hundreds after being forced to stream content that just left him annoyed in the first place. “My cell phone bill aside, […]

Trump Blasts Punxsutawney Phil In Campaign Speech

Donald Trump came out of his second place Iowa finish swinging on Tuesday, setting his crosshairs on everyone’s favorite groundhog, Punxsutawney Phil. The candidate labeled the amateur forecaster “one of the problems with America today” and didn’t stop there. “We have this groundhog, okay,” Trump said in his speech. “He’s a loser. He works one […]