Teachers around the area are stretching their legs this morning after spending all weekend in the fetal position pretending Monday would never come. “I just thought it would last forever,” one elementary teacher told us. “You leave in June and feel like you’re free forever. I trick myself every year, but usually wean myself off the anti-depressants by Thanksgiving.” Several teachers without lenient doctors found themselves throwing back a few extra drinks Friday and Saturday night to cope with the inevitable bell ringing this morning. “We actually picked this weekend to hold Operation Nighthawk,” said a police spokesperson. “These teachers can get out of control the weekend before school and we wanted to really put the hammer down this year.” Despite the weekend debauchery, teacher attendance has been reported as 100% Monday morning. This number is in stark contrast to the 50% attendance rate for Fridays in May.
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