Erie Diocese Labels Drinking Starbucks A Sin Until Holiday Cups Change

Tack another one on the “Don’t” list for Erie churchgoers. The Erie Diocese announced Monday that going to Starbucks will now be considered a sin until their new red holiday cups have a design that directly references Christmas. “It’s the War on Christmas,” one local priest told us. “That’s what drives the entire season. Sure there are other holidays people celebrate in December, but they aren’t us, so who cares?” Acting quickly, the Church has come up with a way to avoid having to sip lattes in a fiery afterlife. They are opening up a coffee shop of their own with more “appropriate” décor and drinkware designs. “Our cups will have a nativity inspired design,” the priest said. “Along with a large overly graphic mural on the wall of the crucifixion, to remind people of how guilty they should feel all the time.” For now, it appears as the red, holiday cups at Starbucks aren’t going anywhere. The heathens who chose to partake in the coffee shop’s assault on Christmas, however, are clearly going straight to hell.

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