Erie Criminals Call Holiday Cease Fire

Erie streets are expected to be slightly safer over the next few weeks as Erie criminals agree to holstering all firearms until the New Year. The agreement came at the December meeting of Erie’s Violent Offenders, a group dedicated to keeping the city’s gun crime within a set of tasteful rules. “We know that eliminating this type of crime from Erie is not a realistic goal,” the group’s President said. “We just want to make sure that when people are firing at each other it’s in a sporting way. It’s not very sporting using your guns during Christmas. We may be criminals, but we’re not savages.” The cease fire went into effect Sunday and will remain in effect until January 2nd. Members of the group who disobey the agreement will be dealt with at January’s meeting. “There are some extreme measures we are prepared to take to deal with disobedience,” the president said. “Our bylaws allow for us to actually cooperate with police in extreme cases. Failure to comply with the Christmas cease fire would be one of those cases.” It should be noted however that the temporary treaty only includes firearms. All blunt objects and blades are still permitted.

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