Erie Area Technical School Offers Course On Filing For Unemployment

One Erie area technical school is expanding their curriculum today. The school will begin offering a course on how to file for unemployment, to help prepare students for life after graduation. “We take pride in being able to change our class selection based on our students’ needs,” a spokesperson from the school said. “Based on […]

Investigators Probe Overuse Of The Word ‘Probe’ By Erie Times News

Despite a lack of stories revolving around alien abductions, the Erie Times News is under investigation by One Million Moms for overusing the term ‘probe’ in their headlines. The group is alleging that the newspaper is continually using the term as an allusion to “that other kind of probing” when more suitable synonyms exist. “My […]

Vatican: Facebook Prayers Not Recognized By Church

The time spent on social media memes, status updates, and comments all seem to be for not if you were hoping to send prayers someone’s way. The Vatican announced on Thursday that they will not recognize digital calls to the divine and all requests must be made in person with folded hands. “After much deliberation […]

Erie Man Eager To Share His Unfounded Opinion On Incoming Refugees

One Erie man is chomping at the bit to log on to Facebook tonight after reading the first paragraph of an article about Syrian refugees. He tells us that he’s looking for the perfect picture to add an out of context caption on, and share it to the social network. “That article (paragraph) really fired […]

PA Budget To Be Settled Over Game Of Rock, Paper, Scissors

The long delayed Pennsylvania Budget appears to finally be making some headway today. Governor Tom Wolf has agreed to settle each disputed issue over games of rock, paper, scissors with Republican leaders. “Through a long series of discussions, we realized that we have been acting like children about the whole process,” a release from the […]

Local Bell Ringers Complete Seasonal Training On How To Make You Feel Guilty

Local volunteers are already kicking off the holiday season by getting out, ringing bells, and collecting donations for charity. This year is expected to raise even more money after all collectors were required to pass a training to master guilt tactics for passersby. “We did some research early in 2015 and realized most people donate […]

Erie Diocese Labels Drinking Starbucks A Sin Until Holiday Cups Change

Tack another one on the “Don’t” list for Erie churchgoers. The Erie Diocese announced Monday that going to Starbucks will now be considered a sin until their new red holiday cups have a design that directly references Christmas. “It’s the War on Christmas,” one local priest told us. “That’s what drives the entire season. Sure […]

Empty GE Employee Parking Chosen As New Landfill Site

The announcement of layoffs at Erie’s GE Transportation plant came as a shock to many, but the impending move may solve one of Erie’s problems. The newly created excess parking at the facility will now be used as Erie’s new landfill. “With the current landfill about to reach its max height this is a natural […]

Erie Meth Lab Announces Layoffs

In another blow to local manufacturing, one of Erie County’s largest meth labs announced layoffs set to begin next month. The owner of the facility says it’s been difficult to maintain a user base with the recent negative press about the drug. “It’s the media’s fault man,” the owner said. “All you hear about is […]