‘Cleveland Sports Fan’ Now Classified As Mental Illness

The DSM has a new chapter today, as being a Cleveland sports fan is added to the list of diagnosable illnesses. The move comes after supporters of the city were somehow surprised, yet again, to be left heartbroken after one of their teams found themselves in the playoffs. “It’s actually an entirely new classification,” said […]

Rainbow Gardens Forced To Change Name For One Day To Host Cruz Campaign Stop

For one day, at least, Erie’s Rainbow Gardens will be known as Freedom Gardens at the request of the Ted Cruz campaign. The presidential candidate is planning on making a stop at the Waldameer facility on Wednesday but said the name didn’t exactly reflect his campaign’s values. “It sounded a little too…you know what,” a […]

Splash Lagoon Parrot Files For Unemployment

Sweetie, the parrot, has been removed from Splash Lagoon and is now seeking unemployment compensation while it looks for a new position. Scott Enterprises is fighting that claim, however, saying that Sweetie left voluntarily, making the bird ineligible for benefits. “Sweetie has been a faithful employee of Splash Lagoon and the Scotts for years,” a […]

Millcreek Mall Institutes Winter “3 To A Row” Parking Rules

Parking at the Millcreek Mall this winter just got a lot easier after new parking regulations that went into effect over the weekend. The new rule allows for cars to park in rows of three, rather than two, to make it easier to find spots once lines become covered by snow. “Our customers have actually […]

Erie Caught Falsifying Snowfall Totals To Lead National Snow Contest

Erie officials may be left out in the cold this winter after recent allegations of falsified snowfall totals following the city’s latest accumulation. The discrepancy was discovered after a random snowfall audit on Thursday afternoon. “We at the National Snowglobe Competition are shocked by today’s findings and plan to launch a full investigation into the […]