Border Patrol Interrogate Piece Of Driftwood Found In Lake Erie

The U.S. Border Patrol stationed in Fairview is currently questioning a piece of driftwood believed to have been trying to make its way illegally into the United States from Canada. An anonymous boater reported the suspicious debris to the Coast Guard Sunday Night, whom relayed the message to Border Patrol. “Agents are in the beginning stages of the interrogation process.” an agent told us. “We had to look up the protocol first. We usually just drive around and try to use up our fuel budget, but an actual case? Here in Erie? I’m as surprised as you.” Preliminary reports are saying that the wood is from a Scots Pine, but Canadian officials are unsure how the tree got into their country from Scotland or why it was heading to the United States. “We’re hoping to discover a motive though our questioning processes. He wasn’t exactly in a hurry out there either, just kind of floating lazily.” Regardless of the result, the Border Patrol is counting this as a win. “Most people are constantly questioning what we do out here. Well here is finally a tangible result.” This is the Fairview Office’s first call since they received a tip of an undocumented German Sheppard on an inbound bus to Erie’s Intermodal Center last year. The driftwood is expected to be sent to float in Guantanamo Bay and await trial.

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