PennDOT to Slaughter All Bald Eagles Nested Along I-79

Now that PennDOT’s tree clearing project along Interstate 79 is nearly complete, the Department can now move on to Phase Two of their project; slaughtering all Bald Eagles nested along the interstate. Recent paperwork filed with the state shows that the project’s main goal all along was to eliminate the birds, along with any other […]

Millcreek School District to Replace Small Bats With Large Ones, Amid Backlash

The Millcreek School District has received national media attention for distributing small bats to teachers, in an effort to combat school shootings. Now, the District is backtracking and trying to do some damage control. “We’ve heard the concerns locally and nationally. We’ve realized our mistake and have come up with a solution”, district administration says. […]

‘Cleveland Sports Fan’ Now Classified As Mental Illness

The DSM has a new chapter today, as being a Cleveland sports fan is added to the list of diagnosable illnesses. The move comes after supporters of the city were somehow surprised, yet again, to be left heartbroken after one of their teams found themselves in the playoffs. “It’s actually an entirely new classification,” said […]

Entire Erie School District To Be Housed In Giant Barn

The Erie School District has leaked its preliminary plan for school consolidation and it is more drastic that initially thought. According to the leaked documents, the District will liquidate all real estate assets and begin construction on a single room barn, which will house grades K-12. “When you look at the numbers”, outgoing Superintendent Jay […]

Ken Bone Announces Bid For Erie Mayor

The breakout star of Sunday night’s presidential debate, Ken Bone, is now looking to use his fame to enter the political arena himself. He announced Wednesday that he would be entering the race to become Erie, Pennsylvania’s next mayor. “As an undecided voter in the general election, I truly feel that I have the inability […]